Expert Locksmith Advice

21 July

Upvc Door Problems in Barnsley

So, a customer emailed me, requesting that I write about my experiences with PVC. A bit unusual, I thought, but I guess it’s nice to share. The first time I felt it on my skin, it changed my life. So sensual and exciting that I knew things would never be the same again. And when I met other people who shared my passion… wait, what’s that now? Oh, I’ve just reread the email and they said UPVC, not PVC. I guess they meant doors and not well…let’s gloss over that and wipe the slate clean. PVC is very wipeable too, you know…no, no. UPVC, UPVC, let’s get back on track.

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12 May

Upvc Door Problems In Summer

I had the radio on the other day and what should pop up but the Mungo Jerry song, beginning “In the summertime when the weather is hot; You can stretch right up and touch the sky”. Once I’d wrestled with the philosophical dilemma of whether you can really stretch up and touch the sky, and the scientific question of where indeed the sky begins, I then turned my attention to the first half of those lyrics, and began to feel really quite summery. Until I looked out the window at the hailstorm currently taking rattling down on the patio.

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23 March

Spring Barnsley Locksmith Advice

Whassup! Yes, I know that’s a reference that’s 20 years out of date, but if Theresa May can say “Simples” in the House of Commons then I can bring back ad slogans from the 1990s too. Count yourself lucky I didn’t go a further 20 years back and bring out the secret lemonade drinker song or the “For mash, get Smash” jingle. Although I just did. Anyway, you may have noticed I’ve had a commercial break of my own from this blog the last couple of months whilst getting on with regular exciting stuff like work and life, but now normal service has been resumed. Like a new-born lamb, I have emerged, blinking into the spring sunshine. But please don’t think I’ve been inside a sheep for the last couple of months – that’s where the analogy rather breaks down. 

 

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22 December

Xmas Tips From A Barnsley Locksmith

As a Christmas “treat”, and with huge apologies to Clement Clarke Moore whose poem I may have shamelessly stolen and amended to reflect a more security conscious age... 

 

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the properly secured house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, as they’d been prevented entry by recently-fitted anti snap locks.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but far enough from the fire to ensure no fire hazard presented itself.
In hopes that no-one soon would be there, for the locks, alarms and security lights should act as a real deterrent. 

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25 November

Info On Cylinder Security

So I guess we’d better acknowledge the elephant in the room. Not literally, as that would be weird, and in my experience, large pachyderms will eventually leave out of embarrassment if you ignore them for long enough. Rather, a figurative elephant. Not Brexit on this occasion as we’ve had quite enough of that, but instead the impending approach of Christmas. We’ve already got the adverts appearing, the lights on display and soon it’ll be time to frantically search the shops for the perfect gift for Aunt Clara, before deciding on a perfumed bath set that will never get used. 

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24 October

Things to be aware of in Winter

Halloween will soon be upon us. I know this because going into Home Bargains the other day I was confronted with an aisle wholly devoted to Christmas. The Halloween section had been there since July, of course, and no doubt the Easter aisle will be in place before the end of November. 

With Halloween, comes all things spooky and a slew of horror films being released. I was pondering on these the other day and wondering how different some of the classic horror movies would have been had the participants paid more attention to home security. I know, I lead quite the life, don’t I? 

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22 September

Why you should use a local Barnsley locksmith

You may have seen that the League of Gentlemen are back and currently undertaking a national tour of their show. Which hopefully means that a new generation of fans will soon be repeating phrases such as “You’re my wife now, Dave”, “pens are our friends” and, most famously, the sinister “This is a local shop for local people…we’ll have no trouble here,” as uttered by Tubbs and Edwards in their unique village store.

However, ‘local’ doesn’t have to mean weird and scary, replete with “no-tails” and sacrificing any passing workmen. Which is a good job, because when I refer to myself as a local locksmith I’d rather people didn’t get the image of Tubbs breastfeeding a piglet in their heads. Which, now I’ve mentioned it, they probably will. Damn. Stop imagining that. 

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01 July

Gardens, sheds and garage security advice

I may have trouble getting through the blog this month, as it seems I’ve begun to melt. The last week or so has taken its toll, and my body now mainly consists of a puddle on the floor. What I’m trying to say here, to slight dramatic effect, is that crikey it’s HOT. We seem to have gone from snow to insane heat in a matter of weeks, completely bypassing Spring. I guess there’s not much point complaining about the heat though, as no doubt we’ll soon be back to the Winter, probably missing out Autumn along the way. But anyway, what am I doing banging on about the weather for? Well, mainly to get through the first paragraph, but also to introduce the topic of today’s blog in the second paragraph. 

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01 June

How to not be locked out

Crikey, it’s been warm recently, almost as if summer’s on the way. Perfect weather for being outside enjoying the lovely sunshine. Or for being inside, hiding from the sun, bemoaning the hot weather.  I cater for all tastes here, you see, whatever your weather opinion – it helps to not antagonise half your customer base. That’s why you won’t see me state an opinion on Brexit, Marmite, or which is better out of dogs and cats, though obviously we all know the answer to the latter. 

But anyway, being outside, hey. It’s all well and good as long as at some stage you can get back inside. Which is a major problem if you’ve locked yourself out of your house. Okay, it’s not quite as annoying at this time of year as in the freezing winter, but it’s still pretty inconvenient, especially if you’ve left the iron on or the potatoes boiling over on the stove.

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29 April

How does a thief think?

Everything’s gone a bit argumentative recently, hasn’t it? What with referendums, elections, and news stories that split the nation down the middle, the country seems more divided than it’s been for quite some time. So, in the spirit of bringing people together, today I thought I’d hand over the blog to a most unexpected chap – a man who, to all intents and purposes, is the very opposite of me. I try to secure buildings whilst he tries to break into them. Normally I’d give him a wide birth, but in an attempt to build bridges and, forgive me if I go a little Gandhi here, secure a lasting peace between our two communities, I hand you over now to my new mate, Shifty Robbins.  Take it away, Shifty... it’s what you usually do to people’s property after all. 

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